Not on Here

I Don't really post on this blog- well ever I use my Tumblr now www.standingonshoulders.tumblr.com but I just thought i'd check in here haha. yay

winged by prayer

I don't blog like ever anymore. its interesting. this was such a good way for me to vent for awhile and than i just stopped, probly because nobody was following me except anna and I was like well this isnt even relevant to anybody. but i suppose that is not a good reason to write. i wrote originally just to put my thoughts out there so i guess ill write some more.
armed by faith and winged by prayer. its a line from a song- the Jesus I my Cross I have Taken song. i love it. i've probly listened to it 4 times now i as write this.
and Hymn by Jars of Clay.
Come let us Return to the Lord.
Lord I need to return to you. Im not necisarily off track or away I'm just busy and cluttered and not focussed on You, but I want to be.

I'm thinking about this summer, I'm thinking about all the posibilities in my life right now and it is a little overwhelming. I get distracted from whats important sooo easily. Like by petty fights and my selfishness. by stupid things that dont matter. so i'm sitting here reminding myself that I am bound for the promised land. If i find in myself a desire that this world cannot meet, the obvious answer is that I was not meant for this world. thanks CS lewis for being brilliant.

my guys

So I haven't posted in a long while which is crazy ahha. I haven't felt like i had much to say. I have been thinkin in the past month since my friend sam's father died about my relationship with my guys. They are just so precious to me. These pics are what we did the night of the funeral, we sat on that couch for hours pretty much just loving each other and trying to be sorta happy or at least normal. They are the best friends i could have asked for. Lots of girls have a ton of sisters and such, and yes i have some of those and they are amazing to me. I have some daughters (metaphorical of course) as well and they are amazing. But look at these goofy guys- they're so funny and so awesome. hahaha they make me laugh. My mom always jokes that on my wedding day where most girls would have a bunch of girls in pretty dresses as their bridesmaids-i'm gonna hve a bunch of guys up there with me haha :)
i love them and Im so blessed by their friendship

Pride

As much as i talk about how much i hated and didn't fit in highschool i am very proud of the community i came from and the community i was/am a part of. Their/our hearts are broken and hurting. The talks about loss have been wayyyy too frequent these past few years, we must be doing something right though because look at the attack we've faced. well God will triumph over this warfare...he will win.
So proud of ya'll there staying strong I love you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUfEEXhcWP8

Frustrated and Dull

So I am back in Athens. I was positive when I came back. God is sovereign. I was blessed by my time with the guys this weekend, they are so precious and wonderful to me. I love them so much more than I have words for. They took care of Sam, they wept with him unashamedly, they held him and they held each other. We stayed together when more tragedy hit, we were just together. and it was a beautiful picture of the community I'm part of. And then I left. And then I got a call from Sam. Then I started reading the hound of the baskervilles for english, then i was with people here who dont know anybody from home and dont know why i'm acting different they dont get why i'm not myself. they ask me how i am and I'm like "umm heartbroken, lonely, confused" but they dont know how to handle that. I love Jacqueline and I love sarah and my other friends and everything but they are not the people who know Mr. Patton or Elizabeth Anne or Sam. THey don't know Casey or Kelly. They dont know my brothers and why they are so precious to me. They are not my brothers.
Than I got my math grade back, and its possible I got a 0 on something that nobody told me I had to do. And a 70 on a test that i studied for in between crying phone calls about my best friends father. I worked my tail off for that, and a 70. Then last week when I got my 94 test grade back I was super excited about it. Then today I got an email and it was like "your test grade was incorrect you got a 79" so not only was i really excited and am now disappointed but I didn't do well, so like my excitement was over something that didn't happen. I was all excited about finally doing well and oh yeah it didn't count, I didn't do well. Where the heck am I supposed to go from there.
I have commitment issues, if something is too hard or scary like hard classes or schedules or this or whatever, i really don't want to do it. Seriously, I mean i've tackled stuff before. I haven't had a choice. But College is scary. Getting bad grades gets old, having to tackle stuff gets really old. feeling like youre the only one who has to really tackle school gets old. Why do I go to UGA? why am I in college? i mean i know i have to be but then i think about 3 more years of this and I want to hide from it. Its lonely still. Like i love my friends i really do. IDK. GRRR I JUST WANT IT TO MAKE SENSE. and now i feel lame for being this weirded out by the whole thing. i'm just dumb.
I'm sad. I'm disappointed in my grades, and frustrated by the fact that they arent where they should be. Here we go Peaks and Troughs here we go...
Spring will come again

Grant us Peace Jesus Grant Us Peace

Grief

It is unbelievable what the community around me has suffered this week. We went to a funeral for a friends father on friday morning and heard about the death of another friend on friday afternoon. There are hearts breaking and hearts trying to unbreak. We are broken we are falling...and God will life up our heads. Pray without Ceasing for He heals those who are crushed in spirit and Heals those who are broken.

...

I have no words at this point. My mom and roommate have been all sweet and asking me how i feel and I dont even know. Where do we go from here? like how do you respond well when you see a friend devestated. WE lean on the Lord for there is nothing else to do.

Abide with me Lord. Abide with Sam and Elizabeth Lord.

Help us to see Your face in this, somewhere Help us to see YOU.

4He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Rev. 21:4.