real thanks

so thankfulness. i wrote a kinda cheese ball entry about being thankful and all that. but i really am. There is so much I could say about how blessed I am and how awesome life is for me because Jesus has really given me so much more then i ever even come close to deserving. and thats just it, I deserve to die. I have zero right to be alive and functioning and like driving my own car talking on my cell phone choosing from my million pairs of shoes, none of that.

there is this part of The Hiding Place where Corrie Ten Boom is telling her sister to be greatful for the lice. Lets paint this picture here, they are in a concentration camp, everything of theirs has been taken away their clothes their family their world, they're being tortured and starved and she says "Betsy be thankful for the lice" because the lice meant that they got extra time to hide their Bible so that the guards didn't take it away. woof.
think that through again...she's giving thanks in that situation, giving thanks that she gets to keep her Bible, not that she got food or a warm jacket, not thankful because it helped her escape but thankful because she got to keep her one link left to Jesus.

That floors me.
I'm thankful that I have the opportunity to know about stuff like that. I'm thankful that Jesus is continually giving me more and more opportunities to be like that, and to learn. thankful that I have to been rejected but redeemed time and time again.

"He cannot ravish. He can only woo… the creatures are to be one with Him, but yet themselves; merely to cancel them, or assimilate them, will not serve" - C.S. Lewis The Screwtape Letters

Half Of My Heart

Unless it is mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a wast of time. There are too many mediocre things in life, love shouldn't be one of them
~ I have no idea who said this but I couldn't agree more.

The Lord Your God is an all consuming fire
~Deuteronomy, and other places in the Bible i haven't looked up recently. But its true.

thats all i've got today. I don't want to be lead on. I don't want somebody who maybe likes me. I don't want to get my hopes up again. I want the real thing. Thanks.

Give Thanks

I have too much to give thanks for to put it in a blog.
My family. My friends My home. All of the things that everybody says. I really am thankful. I'm lucky to have friends here and in Athens that love me. I'm lucky that I get to go to a good school.I"m thankful for a good relationship with my family, I don't know how my life would be if I didn't get along with them.

Here's what I'm really thankful for today anyways. I'm thankful that God has given me a heart for the rest of the world, as cheesy and like 'Christian magazine" as that sounds. I want to keep falling in love with that purpose in my life and with my Savior who provided it for me. I feel like its hard for me to be ocnistently pursuing what I need to in so many ways. I'm so ADD and so inconsistent in my own head that like pursuing my relationship with God is a struggle sometimes, when I allowe myself to be distracted anyways. So I'm greatful He continually loves me and pursues me consistently.

and not most of all but currently guess what i'm sooooooo excited for
IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Home

she's adorable :)


Home is not a house or a place. Home is people. Home is running from my car to the sanctuary to see Turkey and just like almost breaking when I saw her. Home is getting to chill on the couch with my brother and sister and laughing about everything...even when its not funny. Home is waking up in my bed knowing that my mom will have breakfast for me when I walk down the stairs. Thats all super cheesy but its true.
I got home sunday. It's been lovely.
Monday Turk and I did a superawesome photo shoot and I can't wait for our next one. We've been to sweet CICIS like 2 times now and I can't wait to go again at Christmas. I can't wait to get her Christmas gift/she's gonna be 18, when I talk about her like she's my daughter her being 18 makes me feel old.

Being home is so awesome. Thanks for lettting me be here Jesus, really.

If you believe that there is a Heaven and Hell, that there is a Jesus. If you believe that there is hell specifically. Like if you are sitting there ( a Christian) believing these things and that people ARE ACTUALLY GOING TO HELL, like they will be in this awful place. How much do you have to hate somebody to not share the ability to get out of this hell. How much can you just hate them to not share the salvation from this awful hell?
what is our excuse for not sharing team?
woof

All the Faint Lights

baaaaa I don't even know what to title this post hahaha.
I'm a spaz haha If you've ever met me you know that though.
I didn't take this...I just think its absolutely beautiful and I would kill to take a picture like this

Courage is not the absence of fear, but that there is something so much more important ahead than being afraid." I don't know where this is from i just like it...it also reminds me of Atticus Finch (To Kill A Mocking Bird) saying:
"It's knowing you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do." thats awesome

I also had nothing to do with the production of this image but I love it.


I have been doing alot of reading and thinking and just like trying to dig deeper and in 3 places I have come across this quote. I don't know who said it but it just keeps commin up so I think God wants me to share it with everybody I can. Here is is.
"The Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold every thing he has and bought that field."
I don't know why i choose this verse I just do
I really had very little to do with this post and maybe thats super lame but welcome to Hannah.

This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of God's
people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God.
2 Cor. 9:12

I love you Turk

Words Hannah

So the title of the blog is me telling myself to use my words haha.
this pic of a baby is just super adorable and I had to share it. I forget whose baby it is i took a pic of her while my mom was holding her and she was asleep.

I haven't written in awhile and I'm not even sure what i'm supposed to be saying right now.
Lots of adoption stuff going on with the people around me.

wishing i knew where i was supposed to get plugged in here. I feel like I"m kinda futile right now, but maybe that goes in with my need to be relavent and whatever. I don't know sorry team. I just see Anna is so plugged in with this great thing and I'm so proud of her soooo proud of her. I just don't have that right now. I just want to get involved and plugged into doing something, I want to be active. and I just don't know where God wants me to be doing that right now.
Oh well. Today i downloaded the application to work at a Hole In the Wall camp! Its a program where kids who are sick like with cancer or anything serious. I hope it works out idk though.
I'm praying alot about this summer. I don't know what i'm supposed to do or where I'm supposed to go, just that I'm supposed to go, very similar to what happened when I went to Ukraine. I feel like the opportunity is not just gonna drop in my lap like that one did, I'm seeking this one out till I find it and then i'm gonna go at it with everything. Thanks Jesus for helping me always.
I'm doing great though...sorta haha. I found a roommmate for next year but we are thinking we may get 2 other people to live with us...we shall see :)
thanks for reading team!

Rain down YOur love upon Me

Ginney Ownes Spring of Life...i freakin love this song
How many days, Lord, have I walked in this wilderness?
A thirsty pilgrim with no water to drink
And this barren place is making me crazy,
In my desperation I am forced to think.
Seems like I have spent so much time searching
In a dry and weary land where there's no truth.
But I think I'm finally realizing,
That my only hope of water is the
well that comes from You, so

Rain down Your love upon me
Pour out Your mercy on me
Please won't You take me to Your springs of life
Cause I'm dying for deliverance, only You can save me,
I'm waiting, won't You take me,
To Your springs of life.

Oh God, You are my God,
And my spirit seeks You,
But my flesh has failed You time and time again.
And now I've chosen this desert when Your love was waiting,
But Your stubborn child longs to understand
So I'll not waste another minute searching
In a dry and weary land where there's no truth,
'Cause I think I'm finally realizing
That my only hope of water is the
well that comes from You, So…

If You Want Me TO

I know i've posted a ton today sorry ya'll. Just keep with me

Ginny Owens, a blind piano player/singer writes/sings
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I dont know the reason why you brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I will go through the valley
If You want me to

CHORUS:
Now I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my own
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to

CARNIVAL RIDE!

Went to a carnival on friday night :) It was pretty fun. We got free funnell cake and pop corn and cotton candy...(Where was Turkey?)
but it was alot of fun. I got to hang out with some of the guys...which is fun and so much more of what I'm used to haha. My blog is all janky chronologically haha. the Carnival was great though. Don't know if i said anything about it but Beauty Will Rise is a great song. There's also this Ginny Owens (blast from the past much?) song called if you want me to...sooooo amaze. Ok Check.
I have so much work to do this week I should not be blogging. I should be lookinf for a job to make money so I can go to Uganda this summer and make my imaginings a reality. I should be doing all these things. And I'm gonna get it together. I'm here Jesus...not my will but yours. Say that over and over again to yourself Hannah...don't stop. Its not about me, maybe one day I"ll learn that.
moving on.




i'm tiny like the sun in this picture...but i try to convince mself otherwise

If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explination is that I was made for another world-i forget where i found that.If i get so frustrated with the world and myflelf but feel on fire when i'm with kids and like serving and such hos it is poosible that I"m made for this world...I'm NOT! as Anna always says so so wisely "the best is yet to come". It occured to me today that likethe throld sucks and I get so upsed and sad and angry but my like it status is when I'm helping those feeling the very same things as me. No this is world is not our home but God does have us here to make it a little better. To show how that 'beauty can rise' through Him. and I'm so greatful that He has given me the time to better his Kingdom...not always. Sometimes doing what I know Jesus would do or like acting the way that love would act makes me crazy! but I'm learning a little more each day about myself and about Jesus.

Beauty Will Rise

Thats the song i'm listening to right now and therefore became the title to my blog...i cry way too much. haha

So I've been thinking about Kenya/Tenwek like a ton! Its been exactly a year since i was thre and I miss it more than ever. Anna talked about Kingdom work being local and my momentary kingdom work in this second is to say if you are reading this go to http://www.tenwek.org/ these people are amazing. THey work so hard to heal the people in their surrounding areas, and by surrounding areas i mean like hundreds of miles away. People come to them from Uganda, Sudan, Tanzania and like everywhere. Not only do they deserve health care but they hear the word of my Father from these people who give everything of themselves to run this hospital. Ok thats my plug for them. I love you guys! Missing you so much praying for you constantly.

so...because of my best friend and because of my unbelievably consistent thoughts about this, I am now going to write about Adoption. I'm totally coppying anna bliss right now and i tots apologize she just got me thinking about it...sorry babe...and now i tangent to anna cause she's the only one that will get this. so i was about to apologize for stealing her thunder and her response was "its ok our thunders can clap at the same time and make the sky even cooler" how much cooler could your best friend be.
ok moving on. I remember my first encounter with adoption. It was a little girl named Elle, she was my best friends little sister in PA they adopted her from russia. Blonde hair and blue eyes. When she got older I would babysit her all the time, when I would her a goofball she would just respond "you're an angel". she was so preious. I miss her. I was probly about 8 when they had her Gotcha day. I was the first one at the party and the last one to leave. Not because I'm awsome but because I thought it was so cool that she didn't have parents (which i was apparently super sensative to at that time my mom says...still am) but that she didn't have parents and that somebody else was now gonna save her. She was a baby and I wouldn't put her down, i was wearing my blue paisly shirt just incase you were wonderng hahaha sorry team. ok so that was the beginning. than some friends of our adopted and like i mean it was everywhere. I've always thougth about it. Similar to what anna said, I suck at relating to my peers. I can be with children or like older women who have impacted me. I love older people who are influential and want to badly to like put into me. anyways orphans
I had a dream last week that I was married (Idk to whom) and living in Africa. My husband asleep next to me and there was a mosquito net around the bed. I was awake reading in my bed bla bla bla and this little chocolate face peered through the mosquito net and crawled up into my lap and went to sleep...then I woke up alone in my dorm room bed, no husband no baby in georgia...woof.
anyways. Orphans. I just want a bunch. I can't wait to have my own children and like teach them to love their mulit colored siblings. I am not saying this to say that like i'm awesome or like that I am so like philanthropic...I am blessed to have awareness about this topic and like experience and like I'm just so lucky.
Anna used the stat that if 8% of proclaimed Christians adopted than the orphan prblem would be solved. SOLVED!
read that again ladies and gentlemen. seriously. I hope to make a pretty big dent in that.
I'm gonna be a mom like Lorelia Gilmore...yes I just went there. Crazy and inviting her daughters boyfriends over and embarrasing the heck out of them. I'm gonna talk to fast and be all over the place and I'm gonna love those kids with everythign I have. I already do and I don't know them. I'm with you guys I dream about it, I think about it. I write about it during lecture when I'm supposed to be paying attention. I seriously just like can't get enough of wondering what its gonna be like. I just had this image of my daddy meeting his adopted grandaughter on her Gotcha day and maybe teared up a little bit. I love thinking about what that first hug will be like, haha i'm gonna cry like so much, my husband is gonna have to be a pretty patient and sturdy man to deal with my tears. I've officially written a ton. but I was in a pretty bad mood when I started this blog and I listened to Beauty will Rise and I wrote about my kids and my life with them, It doesn't get much better than that.
147millionorphans.com...praise Jesus for the kids already being fed :)))))

"There are better things ahead than any we leave behind." -C.S. Lewis

that couldn't be truer. thanks for that truth Jesus.

Mamma

Sometimes I just want to be a mother and wife. Haha i know i'm 18 I have time to grow up. I just feel like i was so designed for that facit of life and not like school or idk. In sociology today we watched a video about like inner city kids and their education and such. It made me want to go like and be a teacher and hold kids and read to them and idk just help them. I'm not amazing or anything just wishing thats what i was doin and not writing a research paper. I say this stuff like 'oh I just want to get there' or like 'when I get there that will be IT'. We talked in church last week about how like if we ever find ourselves saying "I have arrived" with something on this earth...We have missed the point. Like if I'm spending my time looking into the future and wondering about where I'm gonna be and how much better its gonna be and all that, I'm not focussing on what God has put me in right now. But sometimes being in the right now is just so flippin hard haha. I'm very pensive right now. sorry i haven't posted in forever...i've been internalizing, thats no good for me. oh well.

My emotions are all over the place. I spent the weekend in Chatta with my family and it was great. It was kinda hard to come back though. I miss turk alot.
Umm wanting to do something cause yesterday was orphan sunday! don't be passive world the difference starts with you. umm I don't know what else to say. interesting.
carries new CD came out and I love it!!! she's awesome. Songs like this is one of my favorites. I don't know what to say. I'm kinda numb right now. I HATE that feeling.
Got to talk to an old friend last night for like an hour and that was super happy.
I"m happy here though :) Really I am. Its finally getting to feel like not just a idk.

WAIT

The Wait Poem by Russel Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cred; Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied. I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate…and the Master so gently said, “Wait.”

“Wait? You say wait?” my indignant reply. “Lord, I need answers, I need to know why! Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard? By faith I have asked, and I’m claiming Your word.

My future and all to which I relate hangs in the balance and You tell me to “Wait?” I’m needing a ‘yes’, a go-ahead sign. Or even a ‘no’, to which I’ll resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe, We need but to ask, and we shall receive. Lord, I’ve been asking, and this is my cry: I’m weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate as my Master replied again, “Wait.” So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut, and grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting…for what?”

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine…and He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be. You’d have what you want, but you wouldn’t know Me. You’d not know the depth of My love for each saint. You’d not know the Power that I give to the faint.

You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair; you’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there. You’d not know the joy of resting in Me when darkness and silence are all you can see.

You’d never experience the fullness of love when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove. You would know that I give, and I save, for a start, but you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night, the faith that I give when you walk without sight. The depth that’s beyond getting just what you ask from an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You’d never know should your pain quickly flee, what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee. Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true, but oh, the loss if I lost what I’m doing in you.

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see that the greatest of gifts is to truly know Me. And though oft My answers seem terribly late, My most precious answer of all is still ‘WAIT’.”

a friend of mine tagged me in this note on facebook. I thought it was beautiful. Please Enjoy :)