As much as i talk about how much i hated and didn't fit in highschool i am very proud of the community i came from and the community i was/am a part of. Their/our hearts are broken and hurting. The talks about loss have been wayyyy too frequent these past few years, we must be doing something right though because look at the attack we've faced. well God will triumph over this warfare...he will win.
So proud of ya'll there staying strong I love you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUfEEXhcWP8
Friday, February 19, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Frustrated and Dull
So I am back in Athens. I was positive when I came back. God is sovereign. I was blessed by my time with the guys this weekend, they are so precious and wonderful to me. I love them so much more than I have words for. They took care of Sam, they wept with him unashamedly, they held him and they held each other. We stayed together when more tragedy hit, we were just together. and it was a beautiful picture of the community I'm part of. And then I left. And then I got a call from Sam. Then I started reading the hound of the baskervilles for english, then i was with people here who dont know anybody from home and dont know why i'm acting different they dont get why i'm not myself. they ask me how i am and I'm like "umm heartbroken, lonely, confused" but they dont know how to handle that. I love Jacqueline and I love sarah and my other friends and everything but they are not the people who know Mr. Patton or Elizabeth Anne or Sam. THey don't know Casey or Kelly. They dont know my brothers and why they are so precious to me. They are not my brothers.
Than I got my math grade back, and its possible I got a 0 on something that nobody told me I had to do. And a 70 on a test that i studied for in between crying phone calls about my best friends father. I worked my tail off for that, and a 70. Then last week when I got my 94 test grade back I was super excited about it. Then today I got an email and it was like "your test grade was incorrect you got a 79" so not only was i really excited and am now disappointed but I didn't do well, so like my excitement was over something that didn't happen. I was all excited about finally doing well and oh yeah it didn't count, I didn't do well. Where the heck am I supposed to go from there.
I have commitment issues, if something is too hard or scary like hard classes or schedules or this or whatever, i really don't want to do it. Seriously, I mean i've tackled stuff before. I haven't had a choice. But College is scary. Getting bad grades gets old, having to tackle stuff gets really old. feeling like youre the only one who has to really tackle school gets old. Why do I go to UGA? why am I in college? i mean i know i have to be but then i think about 3 more years of this and I want to hide from it. Its lonely still. Like i love my friends i really do. IDK. GRRR I JUST WANT IT TO MAKE SENSE. and now i feel lame for being this weirded out by the whole thing. i'm just dumb.
I'm sad. I'm disappointed in my grades, and frustrated by the fact that they arent where they should be. Here we go Peaks and Troughs here we go...
Spring will come again
Grant us Peace Jesus Grant Us Peace
Than I got my math grade back, and its possible I got a 0 on something that nobody told me I had to do. And a 70 on a test that i studied for in between crying phone calls about my best friends father. I worked my tail off for that, and a 70. Then last week when I got my 94 test grade back I was super excited about it. Then today I got an email and it was like "your test grade was incorrect you got a 79" so not only was i really excited and am now disappointed but I didn't do well, so like my excitement was over something that didn't happen. I was all excited about finally doing well and oh yeah it didn't count, I didn't do well. Where the heck am I supposed to go from there.
I have commitment issues, if something is too hard or scary like hard classes or schedules or this or whatever, i really don't want to do it. Seriously, I mean i've tackled stuff before. I haven't had a choice. But College is scary. Getting bad grades gets old, having to tackle stuff gets really old. feeling like youre the only one who has to really tackle school gets old. Why do I go to UGA? why am I in college? i mean i know i have to be but then i think about 3 more years of this and I want to hide from it. Its lonely still. Like i love my friends i really do. IDK. GRRR I JUST WANT IT TO MAKE SENSE. and now i feel lame for being this weirded out by the whole thing. i'm just dumb.
I'm sad. I'm disappointed in my grades, and frustrated by the fact that they arent where they should be. Here we go Peaks and Troughs here we go...
Spring will come again
Grant us Peace Jesus Grant Us Peace
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Grief
It is unbelievable what the community around me has suffered this week. We went to a funeral for a friends father on friday morning and heard about the death of another friend on friday afternoon. There are hearts breaking and hearts trying to unbreak. We are broken we are falling...and God will life up our heads. Pray without Ceasing for He heals those who are crushed in spirit and Heals those who are broken.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
...
I have no words at this point. My mom and roommate have been all sweet and asking me how i feel and I dont even know. Where do we go from here? like how do you respond well when you see a friend devestated. WE lean on the Lord for there is nothing else to do.
Abide with me Lord. Abide with Sam and Elizabeth Lord.
Help us to see Your face in this, somewhere Help us to see YOU.
4He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Rev. 21:4.
Abide with me Lord. Abide with Sam and Elizabeth Lord.
Help us to see Your face in this, somewhere Help us to see YOU.
4He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Rev. 21:4.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Issues
So i think i have problems haha.
A. my sanity dissappears sometimes, like all the time really. haha working on papers and stuff just makes me go crazy. like I've been studying forever and reading the Jungle, and i never want to eat meat again, but more than that i like can't even form a sentance right now.
B. Im like weirdly terrified and annoyed with commitment. I like the freedom but at the same time i want the benefits of it. Like, i get worried when people are attached to me cause I dont want them to have expectations but I can be attaatched to them just fine...Thats dumb hannah. like seriously dumb. haha.
"Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead and Christ will shine on you" Ephesians 4:13. I like this because sometimes when I take my medicine I feel like i'm just walking through my days asleep. LIke i'm not even there. And I like this verse because its like, dont be asleep dont let that be ok hannah. Wake up...GET UP!
I don't know what i'm doing with my summer or my life and sometimes i freak out about that but i have to let go. I was writing in my journal about all this stuff the other night and like freaking out, litterally like panicking about what i'm gonna do. My ipod was on shuffle while i was writing and as i'm like scribling everything down in a furry, the song "Let it Go" by tenth ave north comes on and i was like "oh hey Jesus, I'm listening now" haha. it was a great reminder though
A. my sanity dissappears sometimes, like all the time really. haha working on papers and stuff just makes me go crazy. like I've been studying forever and reading the Jungle, and i never want to eat meat again, but more than that i like can't even form a sentance right now.
B. Im like weirdly terrified and annoyed with commitment. I like the freedom but at the same time i want the benefits of it. Like, i get worried when people are attached to me cause I dont want them to have expectations but I can be attaatched to them just fine...Thats dumb hannah. like seriously dumb. haha.
"Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead and Christ will shine on you" Ephesians 4:13. I like this because sometimes when I take my medicine I feel like i'm just walking through my days asleep. LIke i'm not even there. And I like this verse because its like, dont be asleep dont let that be ok hannah. Wake up...GET UP!
I don't know what i'm doing with my summer or my life and sometimes i freak out about that but i have to let go. I was writing in my journal about all this stuff the other night and like freaking out, litterally like panicking about what i'm gonna do. My ipod was on shuffle while i was writing and as i'm like scribling everything down in a furry, the song "Let it Go" by tenth ave north comes on and i was like "oh hey Jesus, I'm listening now" haha. it was a great reminder though
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