Sitting Still...

So i'm talking to my friend about traveling and like going everywhere and now I can't sit still. I just want to freaking go. But we were talkinga bout back packing and such what and I was thinking about this mountain top in Kenya that I was at awhile. ago. It was freaking breath taking.

I don't have alot to say. Really just wanted to put up these pictures. I've been studying for like a million hours and I'm just ready to go out and actually do something. Go out and at least attempt to make a difference on the world. Go out and be the women I'm supposed to be.

Today was better than I expected it to be.
Thinking about where I'm supposed to be and if the rules or the expectations matter.
Thinking about Africa and about Anna and about other friends. I think alot. Thinking about music and about holding hands. Thinking about how silly it is that i'm seriously holding on to my stuffed animal that is a lamb right now. THinking I don't want to be sitting still and how action and making a difference is more than going. Its saving and working on gettin ther and all kinds of other stuff. Sorry i'm spastic tonight. thanks for reading
hope you enjoy the pictures :)

In this Photograph We're Safe

ti in the cubburd

"I"m so happ I found Jesus"-T
" I know!!! Like seriously where the heck would I be without Him?" -H
"Like S*&^ Probs" -T

that is all I have to say today because words are just not coming well so I"m gonna post a million pics hope thats ok with ya'll


They Have amazingly pure Joy


a moment of joy in a week of like bla ( don't kill me for posting this)


This is Masha. On the last day of camp she gave me everything that she could the words "I love you in English" and her camp name tag. no words to how much joy that brought me



THis is John...again He's just precious I miss him



This is like the best picture ever...I CAN"T WAIT!!

Words...?

I talk/type/write too much. I'm sorry you guys probly think i'm insane. Wait...I am. Its ok.

Sometimes I think/dream about the future.

Anna and I were talking yesterday about our families...Like our children all different colors some adopted some not. Its a great Picture to think about them all loving each other. I know our kids will be friends. I Just love thinking about stuff liek that sometimes like how much I can't wait to love on my children. I am so built to be a mother and at the same time I love that I'm a daughter of my parents but even more of Christ.

I'm so silly as of late in my posts. I told you i'm just throwing words onto a page.

My hope is built on nothing Less
Than Jesus' blood and Rightousness

On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
ALL other ground is sinking sand

Don't Stand Still

I sat on the front porch of this coffee shop yesterday and behind me there was this man playing his guitar on the porch swing. Next to me a family read their small children Rickie Tickie Taaavii. I sipped my coffee and just smiled cause that was a great college moment.

My brain is tired of reading and thus I am now writing.

I can't sit still. I was reading Anna's blog about how when she is older she will only sti still so as to cuddle with her children and husband...that is me. I love it when her and I are on the same page. Anyways, I mean don't get me wrong I love chill nights but in general lack of movement+me does not equal haha.

I have like a million things in my head!! baaaaaa words fail me so hard chore sometimes. I will be just like thrwoing words onto a page that don't make sense for the next little bit. sorry ya'lls.
I'm trying to cut 'team' and 'fussy' out of my vocabulary its very hard.

we talked about this a couple weeks ago at RUF but I love it still. My joy can not be contingent on the moment. Our joy comes from certainty in Christ...which He gives us. How amazing is that? We should look at everything in "Subjection under his feet" yes i realize that didn't quite make sense. Bascially Hebrew 2:8 but also just like looking at everything through Him and b/c of Him. Joy...I'm so greatful

Jesus thanks for new friends and for a great weekend and for never giving me too much to stand up under.

Weekend

So after basically the stupidest week of my life...Like seriously, I'm so dumb sometimes. Anyways after that awful week my weekend was baller. I spent most of it with my friend samantha, who is like amaze. haha Friday we went to the mall...and when i say mall I mean like 10 stores configured into a mall type thing in athens haha. We aren't exactly competing with Atl over here.
Saturday Sarah and I slept till 11...I never do that, it was soooo amaze. Rooms and I are doing well and as long as I don't talk about school I manage to not compare myself to others. haha So we slept in and at that point I for sures shouldve studied but I didn't, I mean I'm in college right? So than I went out to like late lunch with my friend and her parents...awesome times.
Than i sorta studied. It was ballin. Than I went to eat with Samantha and Kelsey and other Kelsey...than we went Crusin. (ITS GREEN!!!!!!) haha cuisin consisted of driving around for like an hour and a half singing and laughing our freaking heads off. Sam you're tone deaf.
Words...Umm ok so have you ever had that feeling when people like feel like their supposed to hang out with you but like don't actually want you there? Welcome to sunday, it was so dumb. Than I went to Harry Potter 6 for 1$ and Sam came...than we went to her room and 'studied'/ watched mean girls/took a billion photo booth pics that were tots histare. This is one of them. SO that feeling of dumb was eliminated once i was with kelsy and sam and the other kelsey haha.
i love making playlists on my i tunes... so fun.
I haven't finished any of my reading. I haven't gotten nearly as much studying done as i was supposed to BOOOO for schoolwork my brain is just so tired...oh well

So...

So have you ever had that feeling when you walk up to a group of people and they're like "o she's here, we're friends with her but we really were hoping she wouldnt know we were hanging out"
yeah its awkward. Just had to share that moment cause I feel Like we've all had it sometime. I had it today...and welcome to my week.

I read some really great verses last night that were given to my by my best friend and I'm so greatful. Here they are

II Timothy 1:7
"For God gaves us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control"
and

Ephesians 3:19
"To know the love of Christ that suprasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God"
thats nice cause I have no knowledge right now, I have very little understanding and I'm just ready to feel the fullness of Christ

I don't finish sentances much.
I want to get on a plane and just be there
I'm trying to be sure that where I am is where I'm supposed to be

Gotta figure this Out

this isn't exactly me or anything i just thought the lyrics were so good. I dont have alot to say cause well I just don't. there's alot on my mind. today has been pretty sucky thus far. like since midnight last night. and I'm just gonna keep on going cause I can :)
Erin Mccarley wrote this she's freakin amazing look up her cd


I separated my heart from my head
to feel out what's inside
I don't like what I see so
I say Goodnight.

Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming
in color black and white is not my friend-
candy coated figures hold me in my bed.

I've never been so deep inside a shadow
I've never been so insecure of what I know
I've gotta figure it out
I need a story to tell.
Where's the feeling I long for
I've gotta figure it out before I lose you love.

Big city streets are calling me loud
the busy keeps me high
But this quite town is weighing me down tonight.

I know that I should stay here for a while,
listen to the sound of my shakey heart
Looking for gold in the ground.
I've never been so deep inside, a shadow
I've never been so insecure of what I know
I've gotta figure it out
I need a story to tell
Where is the feeling I long for
I've gotta figure it out before I lose You
Before I lose you- ohhh

It's not okay to make your way, to make you wonder
Why I can't hold you close and give you hope
and this will be all right.
I wanna make it right
I've gotta figure this out
I need a story to tell
Where's the feeling I long for
I've gotta figure it out
I've gotta figure this out
I need a story to tell
Before I lose you
Before I lose you
Before I lose you love

right now i'm cynical take me as that

so today was good. mostly i mean things have been a tad confusing and just like strange but i was feeling good today...the weather was great and I was like hey Jesus thanks. I went out with some fun girls and it was great. I had no criterea to be with them, I didn't ahve to watch my mouth I could talk about Jesus we laughted and itw as great. I was feeling better about my as of late lonely state.
but just kidding.

I'm here world. I'm ready. What else have you got?

God I'm listening. really I am. cause today I've got no other choice. I realize that is what you desire out of me and I know you know what I"m thinking but here I am. again in tears wondering what you are going to teach me...why you want me to feel like this. I'm thinking about idk what i'm thinking about right now my brain is moving too fast and my 8 am is gonna suck seeing that its like 3 am. I"m listening Jesus really I am.
"rejoice in your sufferings for my power is made perfect in weakness" well I'm trying Jesus. I really am, but right now I'm not quite rejoicing right now.

for any of you reading i just want to say that this is a combined effort of the world. There is no one specific thing contributing to this. I'm going to try and sleep now.

sorry for my seemingly absurd self-pity tonight
I really am ok i jus had to vent and this is where it went.

I have and always Will

I will not wear shoes at my wedding
it'd be cute if my husband (whoever he might be) called me Boo
one day I will have this...as in the picture above.
Right now Its me and Jesus and thats awesome.
Today has been an unbelievable roller coaster where things felt great and as the day ends they feel all janky but thats ok
I hate it when people leave...litterally or emotionally...or make me want to leave
peace out homes

hey world its me!

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe...
but seriously, I do.

And since I tend to put myself in this position where I feel very different from people around me I'm going to type out a list of my imperfections. I stole this from Turkey, and I'm ok with that, she would be too.

Mac and Cheese is my favorite food, i really could live off it
Chicken fingers are my other favorite...yes I like carbs thats ok with me
I watch dumb tv shows sometimes
I was/am a theater dork
I can't spell for my life, like seriously I fail.
I think there needs to be a font for sarcasm so everybody knows
People take me to seriously, I'm usually joking people
On the other hand I hate it when people don't take me seriously
I want to go to Rome, Ireland, Scottland Greece and it'd be awesome to go there with my husband, whoever he is
I think about who my husband will be, I think about the future
I hate school
I don't believe in grades, I believe in learning
I'm so ADHD someitmes its unbelievable
I pick at my lip and my cuticles all the time out of anxiety.
I hate expectations because they lead to disappointment too much of the time
I'm a bit cynical sometimes
but I'm also quite optimistic, yes I can be both
In one half of my brain I'm 25 and ready to be married, and in the other half I'm 5 and just want to believe that boys can only be friends and have cooties for the rest of my life
I'm talking about myself because as selfish as it is we all know that its thereputic
I'm amazed that Jesus loves me
Not half as confident as most people think
I'm also really confident sometimes. I hate it when I give people the ability to make me feel insecure
I'm amazed that Jesus loves me
I'm amazed that Jesus put people in my life who love me
There is no such thing as ugly and yet sometimes i stand in front of the mirror and wonder why it looks like i've got black eyes without concealer
Turkey is my best friend
Peopele say i'm irrational and overemotional, I'm not, I am just way more honest that most people are ready for
I've always thought about things differently than most.
I hate that I have to take medicine
I talk too much.
I tend to get attatched to people because I love them, I have a need to not be alone.
I'm not desperate or clingy I just don't realize that I'm annoying and seem that way sometimes.
I'm independant, i felt the need to say that after everything I just said because though I love people and love being with them, I've let them define me in the past and I had to dig myself out of that hole, more like Let Jesus dig me out of that hole and it won't happen again.
I love Gilmore Girls
I love history
music=so much of what keeps me not completely insane
Africa has seriously taken my Heart. I think about it far too much.
I take pictures, lots of them, being able to show the world how i see things is cathartic for me.
I'm silly and goofy.
I don't take myself too seriously. I laugh so much.
I'm a cryer, seriuosly I cry when I don't know what else to do.
I love musicals.
I love holding hands, more than like anything.
canada
i wish i was a dancer
i'm gonna stop writing cause i'm silly.
i'll probly put a few of these things at the bottom of every post haha sorry team

Explosions in the Sky

there is this band called Explosions in the Sky...go listen to them now. "your hand in mine"=amazing. (amaze)!

I read alot. My brain is kinda dead right now sorry team.

I've been thinking alot which means that i can't articulate because i thought and didn't write. My brain is moving so fast so i'm just trying to get it to slow down. In lou of writing today I think i'm gonna post a million pics of me and my best friend, hope you are ready guys :) Oh this is turkey. Sheda sheda sheda best eva. infact she is SUPERAWESOME! she calls me ham, she is turkey...when we are seperate all you've got is some lame ham or turkey sandwich, everybody knows that club is superior to all.
T.I. lives in the cubbord and wants us.
PANTS?!?!?!



she is sanity
windows rolled down with the heat on high stars all alligned in a runnaway sky (thats where its at with us)
she's an all american girl
loveless+publix+tears and poofy dress movies =we are the best
there are so many things i could say oooo
kiss on cheek pictures.


africa...africa...africa
we are going to live in DTF and have adventures and have fun times ;) in the courtyard by the fountain
mac and cheec+lima beans
scary movies that arent that scary
mexican food
eating icing from the jar
ginger snaps for breakfast
code red mountain dew on the bed-side table
cuddling
Christmas time family
i'll always be home on your birthday
Summer reading on the window seet.
PANTS!!!!!
i want my husband to be like that, except maybe not look like him (i forget who we were talking about hahahahaha)
georgia to tennessee and inbetween
take my love
hating the song lucky
colby callait
i can't even remember them all right now but you're so freakin awesome
i <3 her so much i run out of words for it

xooxxoxoxoxoxox

Crazy

So Ummmmmmm I'm crazy

I've spent the whole weekend with my family. Saturday night was like the total highlight because my mom my brother, a friend of ours and I stayed up in this old church singing Carol King and Let it Be with a piano and an organ and it was a total blast. THe picture is of my me and my friend elizabeth dancing. It was such a party. It made my lonely week so much better

I've been lonely and missing turkey :) She is 326 miles away. 5 hours ish. Its too far. I don't like leaving people I love so far away. I also hate being left. It just sucks. but thats ok. I'm learning how to find home here I just havent gotten there yet. I feel like i just keep walking haha. Like highschool wasn't such a party for me, and I had all these amazing expectations for College cause everybody said "oh hannah you were made for collage its gonna be the best ever foryou" and I'm just waiting for that to become a reality.

Last night me and some girls watched "the wedding date" loved it!!! It made me smile and stop making bitter comments for awhile. Sometimes i'm Cyinical.

I don't know what else to say. I'm strangly introverted as of late...i'm not sure thats good considering my wildly extroverted tendencies. haha oh well I'm about to go blog crazy so be ready world!

i love you Turk

Scared To Hold On Tight Enough

"Poster Children of Young Love
Scared TO Hold On Tight Enough"
~Steve Moakler (he's great check him out)

"When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability...to be alive is to be vulnerable."
~Madeleine L'Engle

A friend of mine sent me this thing he wrote about the problem of college. It struck me because he articulated so well what I've been trying to say for the past 2 months. Like how this is supposed to be the greatest time of my life and everything. It is also the most unsettling. I don't have a permanent home base, like Nashville is of course, but like here. I'll live in a different building every year and maybe even with different people. I don't have people who have known me for a long time. This thought was also brought about by being in Knoxville with people who I've wanted to see and people who have known me and know my story. I, along with the people around me, am so tired of having to explain myself, or feeling the need to. I feel like I worked so hard in highschool with people, tryig to find where I fit, looking for love from people. I've had my heart broken, I've hurt others, I struggled through all that. What if Im just wasting my heart again? The funny thing is that once you let yourself care about somebody they have the ability to care about you and it's beautiful, but they also have the ability to hurt you and you them. Its so often true, the dichotomy between what can be so amazing can also be so broken and hard. I'm a pretty confident self assured person, God has made me who he wants me to be and I should always be seeking His improvements but I should not apologize for my quirks. However, something about an unreturned txt or a funny look or anything always makes me think a little bit too much. Oh they've spent more time with me and now they think I'm dumb or not worth their time or are they just too busy? Am I unlikable to some people,do I lack interest? am I driving them crazy? Wow hannah really? CHILL OUT!!! haha
and then I remember or am reminded by an amazing Savior "Be Still Beloved, Know that I Know what I am Doing" and I am awestruck.
MY confidence restored, or idk I think my humility restored which is where Christ steps in and determines my steps and for that I am so greatful. We can not look to those around us, those just as broken as us, to put us back together, but instead we should walk together hand in hand to the feet of a God who is constantly trying to build us a solid stucture, constantly trying to draw us back to solidity in Him. Having faith, being certain of God becomes Joy. Being certain means being able to step back and see the big picture. Look at what Christ has always done, why would he pick right now, of all times, to stop. He wouldn't, there is no time when He will stop. Joy is being certain, as a child is within the walls of his parents home, that we are constantly loved, cared for, and watched over.

one picture is of me and my friend I just think the split is interesting because this would be such a moment to embrace or something and yet we are seperate.
The other one is of me and my two best friends, one of whom is terrified to fly so we held hands, super tight, not afraid...

HMMM

Today I am thinking too much. I am overanalyzing and I am worrying. I think about the future alot, like who my husband will be, how many kids I will have, where I will work. I worry about pushing people away by being overwhelming sometimes. I'm taking a step back and trying to take my eyes off of what is around me and looking to God, because absolutely everything eventually points to Christ.
"Luke 12:22 ; Do not be anxious about your life. ...28 If God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the fild today and tomorrow is inot the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith. Instead, seed His kingdom and these things will be added to you."

Because I so quickly can forget, music is my constant reminder and this is the song for today
Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life’s little day;
Earth’s joys grow dim; its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see;
O Thou who changest not, abide with me.

Not a brief glance I beg, a passing word;
But as Thou dwell’st with Thy disciples, Lord,
Familiar, condescending, patient, free.
Come not to sojourn, but abide with me.

Come not in terrors, as the King of kings,
But kind and good, with healing in Thy wings,
Tears for all woes, a heart for every plea—
Come, Friend of sinners, and thus bide with me.

Thou on my head in early youth didst smile;
And, though rebellious and perverse meanwhile,
Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee,
On to the close, O Lord, abide with me.

I need Thy presence every passing hour.
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s power?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.
Where is death’s sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.
Heaven’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

Jesus is holding me fast and I'm being confident in that

This Ones for YOU

So i'm not even completely sure I should write this or post it or idk. I'm going to write a letter to Vickie because I have so much to say to her and I don't know what else to do with it. This is gonna be pretty emotional i'm just warning haha. So here we go

Dear Vickie,
I know that you know I'm talking to you up there and that you hear this. You were always so good at knowing me and knowing what I was thinking. There are so many things I want to tell you about. I selfishly want you here so so bad. Its not fair that you died because Cam and Tyler and Dave and Brandon and everybody needed you. I remember driving home from the hospital with my mother, she misses you so much, and crying listening to "Abide In Me'' and "All Must Be Well". I remember the first theatre class back we had to read our shakepeare monologes for the first time and I couldn't talk, you taught me Shakespeare. Ok, here goes the rest of what I want to say...bear with me please.
I Didn't let him win. You told me I was better and needed to go have fun, needed to go and enjoy myself. I went to that dance and didn't let him affect me, granted I was thinking almost only of you at that point. I just wanted you to know I listened to you. You were always so wise, your advice meant a great deal.
I didn't give up at school, I fought for that math class and decided that Earnest didn't matter. Thank you for constantly encouraging me through those things. We did Much Ado About Nothing. Kenton and I both spend alot of time thinking of you teaching us those monoloughes. I wish I could've worked on it with you, you would have really loved it. Kenton was Benadict and Este made an amazing Don Padro. I was antonia and ursala. On our final night, we remebered how much you loved this show. Those of us who were taught by you remembered what you ahd tought us, and in our final prayer Kenton said it best for all of us "THIS ONE IS FOR YOU VICKIE" and we all cried and cheered together.
I went to Kenya in November. I wanted to tell you about it. You always understood how much I wanted save the world, even though i don't think i made a dent. I found out what I wanted to do with my life and I'm working on getting there at UGA. Thank you for always believing I could get in, I wrote about you for my entrance essay. Thank you for believing in me, and reminding me that I was not made for highschool. Whenever I felt so incredibly out of place and wrong you helped me believe I wasn't wrong, just not in the right place, and that my differences were strengths. Thank you so much.
Thank you Vickie Wonders for understanding me. Thank you for teached me to be confident in myself and what I have to say. When I stand in front of a crowd I articulate with my feet firmly planted. I do not play with my rings-no more fidgiting- and I can project my voice. All because of you, and those are the tangible things you tought me. Thank you for being a friend to my mom, she loves and misses you more than i can put in words. THank you for respecting me, I'm sure i didn't deserve it from somebody ike you and the fact that you did anyway means the world. I wish that I had run across the parkinglot that friday afternoon and hugged you, I miss that hug and that smile all the time.
You were such a light to me, alot of times when I didn't have much light. I thank God I knew you and I'm learning to be ok with the fact that He is now holding you in His amazing house, but we do miss you down here.
I love you always, never forgotten.
this was my entrance essay about her just thought i'd share it
I was privileged to know Vickie Wonders Foltz. She was my theatre teacher and director, and could make students perform in ways they never thought they could. During my sophomore year in high school, she made me play a man and wear a beard. She taught me about myself and about what it looks like to actually develop and use my gifts. On October 10, 2008 Vickie suffered a brain aneurism and died shortly thereafter. I considered her more than a teacher and trusted her with more than my performance talent. When I saw her lying in her casket, I expected her at any moment to sit up and laugh at how she had put us all through such a scare. She was one of the most alive people I knew and to see her dead will remain one of the most difficult moments in my life. Her death was real and I was struck with how finite we all are. She was a person who took life completely spontaneously. Her death was such a surprise and I am inherently uncomfortable with surprise. Vickie has worked to change that in me. It was almost as if she were intentionally teaching me about life even through her death.

Grant us Peace Jesus, Grant us Peace

Carry Me Through

I'm sitting here thursday night (yes I wrote this but didn't post it) and i'm thinkinga bout some mountains I have yet to climb. This is metaphorical of course. I don't really have alot of words, i'm pretty tired and out of it right now so i'm gonna post some song lyrics i found encouraging. I am counting down the hours and maybe even seconds until I'm in Knoxville with my friends and others who I haven't seen in so long. the photograph is from Kenya, big suprise right?, but I just like that image cause its so much like us being carried, so completely helpless of carrying or even walking ourselves.
There's a mountain
Here before me
And I'm going to climb it
With strength not my own
He's gonna lead me
Or the mountain beats me
Carry me through
Carry me through

There's a river
Here before me
And I'm gonna cross it
with strength not my own
He's gonna save me
Or the river takes me.
Carry me through
Carry me through

Oh Lord be gentle
I'm just a man
Please don't crush me
Help me in.

Oh Lord remember
I try so hard
I walk and talk
Your kingdom love

There's a sinner
Here before me
And I'm gonna give them
Strength not my own
He's gonna carry me
when I get weary
Carry me through
Carry me through

Oh Lord be gentle
I'm just a man
Please don't crush me
And help me in

Oh lord remember
I try so hard
I walk and talk
Your kingdom love

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Carry me through

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Lord Sweet Lord
Carry me through.

I just loved this, these lyrics are so great. I also thought of these

Lift up your eyes and don't stand still
People of the world
And people of the will
Move on and on and on down this road.

Don't give up and don't give in
Someday you will be strong again
But there's still miles to go.

These are a pretty constant play list in my head right now along with a couple hymns, "Abide in Me" and "All Must Be Well"

I Miss

Today, I miss Africa, so much. One of my friends who is a nurse just got back from Tenwek (the Mission Hospital in Bomet, Kenya I worked at for 2 weeks last november).
She told me she saw my little girl, the one who's hand is pictured in my first post and who's face is in the second or third. Rebecaa ( my friend) told me she is healthy and her mother brought her back for a check up with the American Heart team to make sure she was healthy. This was so exciting because it means that her mother cares enough to bring her back, most mothers of a Downs Syndrom Children in Kenya reject their children so it was exciting.I still miss her though. Today my heart just aches to be there with those children. Today I feel like college is not for me and like classes are so not important because Africa wants me, although I need it more than it needs me. But here's the thing, God has me here, I love it here. I love my friends and I know I will be back its just one of those days.
I was thinking the other day about something that happened a few days after I returned from Kenya. I was rehersing on stage for this big show called ARTWORKS and in the middle of my song (You've GOt a friend" -Carol King) I burst into tears. I sat down on the end of the stage and bawled, like a 3 year old who just scraped her knee. Like, cried and cried and cried. Yes I was Jet Lagged and yes i was terrified of performing with with the people I was with cause they're amazing and I'm not even remotely as confident as I seem. I was thinking about this the other day, I just couldn't stop crying. My best friend came home with me that night and she just kept asking "whats wrong, are you sure you're ok, like talk to me whats up?" I realized the other day that I was processing through everything, like while i was in Africa I was so focussed on working and just like being there I didn't process. Ok just had to get that moment out of my head.
I"ll probly write another post in ten minutes or something there is alot in my head today :)
much love!


"He's Gonna meet me where the Mountain Beets ME
and Carry me Through"
this Dave Barnes song came on while i was writing I thought it was so APT.

If I Sing will you Sing Along

Another pic from last night, I loved being back with my girl. This is our typ pic. We take it everywhere we've been together. I'm praying about hopefully being able to take this same shot in Africa with her this summer. Thats my dumb way of saying I'm prayinga bout afica today. Its on my heart and I'm waiting for God to show me, patiently, because His timing is AMAZING.

Today I went to an Orthadox wedding. It was beautiful. I love that they do everything three times for the Holy Trinity. I always think about my wedding when I'm at somebody elses wedding. One thing I know, I will not be wearing shoes. A wedding is Sacred and God talks about removing your shoes on holy ground. Technically that is everywhere, and I'm not so concerned with the place but the ceremony taking place there. I become such a girl at weddings, i cry and i giggle and i'm all mushy. Oh well.

As I'm sitting at this wedding, talking to Turkey who is getting ready for the homecoming dance, I remember last year. Next weekend is the actual aniversery but Homecoming really makes me remember. Vickie. Next week I will write more because right now i'm trying to be happy she is enjoying Heaven. But i remembered last year. Being at the hospital, holding anna's hand. Pulling over and just weeping. Still not having shoes to wear with my dress and going into DSW with a puffy red face and taking the first pair I saw. Holding Cameron after the dance. God had alot for me to learn from that situation and I think a year later I'm still learning from that amazing woman. but again I am going to wait for next week cause i'm not really sure if I can talk about it well right now as silly as that sounds.

I saw Fame again with some other friends and that was fun. I love my family. I'm so lucky to get along with them.
Abide with Me Lord
Fast Falls the Even Tide
The darkness Deepens
Lord with Me Abide
When other Helpers Fail and Comforts Flee
Until the Close Lord
Abide in Me

Home

I drove home thursday and suprised Turkey at her volleyball game, it was amaze. After she finished we met in the center of the court and hugged forever, and we both teared up. It was so fun. We than went to panera and just talked non stop until we got to school where i left her. I than stayed up till like 2 in the morning talking with my brother and sister. It was such a precious time of just loving on each other and being real and laughing and I've missed them. It's the first time that we've all come home, as opposed to them coming home to me.
Friday I did some silly stuff and than went to school and got to see my teachers that i miss so much. It was really good to catch up with them. It was so strange to be back there everything smells the same. its silly that I expected it to be different but oh well. Turk and i went to the game, than saw FAME and than she slept over and it was so good to just have her there with me for all those hours. I love my best friend so freaking much i don't even have words sometimes. I spent alot of time with my piano when i was home just playing is so cathartic.
Being home was great. A little strange but awesome. It hard to drive back alone after a weekend filled with people who know you so so well. But also good to be back at school and to have people say that you were missed. That's selfish i'm aware, but I'm also OK admitting that it felt good to be missed, and made me feel a little more secure in being here and not in Nashville.
:)