winged by prayer

I don't blog like ever anymore. its interesting. this was such a good way for me to vent for awhile and than i just stopped, probly because nobody was following me except anna and I was like well this isnt even relevant to anybody. but i suppose that is not a good reason to write. i wrote originally just to put my thoughts out there so i guess ill write some more.
armed by faith and winged by prayer. its a line from a song- the Jesus I my Cross I have Taken song. i love it. i've probly listened to it 4 times now i as write this.
and Hymn by Jars of Clay.
Come let us Return to the Lord.
Lord I need to return to you. Im not necisarily off track or away I'm just busy and cluttered and not focussed on You, but I want to be.

I'm thinking about this summer, I'm thinking about all the posibilities in my life right now and it is a little overwhelming. I get distracted from whats important sooo easily. Like by petty fights and my selfishness. by stupid things that dont matter. so i'm sitting here reminding myself that I am bound for the promised land. If i find in myself a desire that this world cannot meet, the obvious answer is that I was not meant for this world. thanks CS lewis for being brilliant.

my guys

So I haven't posted in a long while which is crazy ahha. I haven't felt like i had much to say. I have been thinkin in the past month since my friend sam's father died about my relationship with my guys. They are just so precious to me. These pics are what we did the night of the funeral, we sat on that couch for hours pretty much just loving each other and trying to be sorta happy or at least normal. They are the best friends i could have asked for. Lots of girls have a ton of sisters and such, and yes i have some of those and they are amazing to me. I have some daughters (metaphorical of course) as well and they are amazing. But look at these goofy guys- they're so funny and so awesome. hahaha they make me laugh. My mom always jokes that on my wedding day where most girls would have a bunch of girls in pretty dresses as their bridesmaids-i'm gonna hve a bunch of guys up there with me haha :)
i love them and Im so blessed by their friendship

Pride

As much as i talk about how much i hated and didn't fit in highschool i am very proud of the community i came from and the community i was/am a part of. Their/our hearts are broken and hurting. The talks about loss have been wayyyy too frequent these past few years, we must be doing something right though because look at the attack we've faced. well God will triumph over this warfare...he will win.
So proud of ya'll there staying strong I love you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUfEEXhcWP8

Frustrated and Dull

So I am back in Athens. I was positive when I came back. God is sovereign. I was blessed by my time with the guys this weekend, they are so precious and wonderful to me. I love them so much more than I have words for. They took care of Sam, they wept with him unashamedly, they held him and they held each other. We stayed together when more tragedy hit, we were just together. and it was a beautiful picture of the community I'm part of. And then I left. And then I got a call from Sam. Then I started reading the hound of the baskervilles for english, then i was with people here who dont know anybody from home and dont know why i'm acting different they dont get why i'm not myself. they ask me how i am and I'm like "umm heartbroken, lonely, confused" but they dont know how to handle that. I love Jacqueline and I love sarah and my other friends and everything but they are not the people who know Mr. Patton or Elizabeth Anne or Sam. THey don't know Casey or Kelly. They dont know my brothers and why they are so precious to me. They are not my brothers.
Than I got my math grade back, and its possible I got a 0 on something that nobody told me I had to do. And a 70 on a test that i studied for in between crying phone calls about my best friends father. I worked my tail off for that, and a 70. Then last week when I got my 94 test grade back I was super excited about it. Then today I got an email and it was like "your test grade was incorrect you got a 79" so not only was i really excited and am now disappointed but I didn't do well, so like my excitement was over something that didn't happen. I was all excited about finally doing well and oh yeah it didn't count, I didn't do well. Where the heck am I supposed to go from there.
I have commitment issues, if something is too hard or scary like hard classes or schedules or this or whatever, i really don't want to do it. Seriously, I mean i've tackled stuff before. I haven't had a choice. But College is scary. Getting bad grades gets old, having to tackle stuff gets really old. feeling like youre the only one who has to really tackle school gets old. Why do I go to UGA? why am I in college? i mean i know i have to be but then i think about 3 more years of this and I want to hide from it. Its lonely still. Like i love my friends i really do. IDK. GRRR I JUST WANT IT TO MAKE SENSE. and now i feel lame for being this weirded out by the whole thing. i'm just dumb.
I'm sad. I'm disappointed in my grades, and frustrated by the fact that they arent where they should be. Here we go Peaks and Troughs here we go...
Spring will come again

Grant us Peace Jesus Grant Us Peace

Grief

It is unbelievable what the community around me has suffered this week. We went to a funeral for a friends father on friday morning and heard about the death of another friend on friday afternoon. There are hearts breaking and hearts trying to unbreak. We are broken we are falling...and God will life up our heads. Pray without Ceasing for He heals those who are crushed in spirit and Heals those who are broken.

...

I have no words at this point. My mom and roommate have been all sweet and asking me how i feel and I dont even know. Where do we go from here? like how do you respond well when you see a friend devestated. WE lean on the Lord for there is nothing else to do.

Abide with me Lord. Abide with Sam and Elizabeth Lord.

Help us to see Your face in this, somewhere Help us to see YOU.

4He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Rev. 21:4.

Issues

So i think i have problems haha.
A. my sanity dissappears sometimes, like all the time really. haha working on papers and stuff just makes me go crazy. like I've been studying forever and reading the Jungle, and i never want to eat meat again, but more than that i like can't even form a sentance right now.

B. Im like weirdly terrified and annoyed with commitment. I like the freedom but at the same time i want the benefits of it. Like, i get worried when people are attached to me cause I dont want them to have expectations but I can be attaatched to them just fine...Thats dumb hannah. like seriously dumb. haha.

"Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead and Christ will shine on you" Ephesians 4:13. I like this because sometimes when I take my medicine I feel like i'm just walking through my days asleep. LIke i'm not even there. And I like this verse because its like, dont be asleep dont let that be ok hannah. Wake up...GET UP!
I don't know what i'm doing with my summer or my life and sometimes i freak out about that but i have to let go. I was writing in my journal about all this stuff the other night and like freaking out, litterally like panicking about what i'm gonna do. My ipod was on shuffle while i was writing and as i'm like scribling everything down in a furry, the song "Let it Go" by tenth ave north comes on and i was like "oh hey Jesus, I'm listening now" haha. it was a great reminder though

Love is HERE LOVE IS NOW

SO I"M TOTALLY FREAKING OUT!

I just ahve to say that I love my sister and her husband, eric, so much. I can't even like contain it right now. I'm flippin out. I don't know what to do with myself.

Emily I love you. Emily i'm so excited to be your sister and can't wait to continue to get to know you. Emily and Eric, I hope you knwo that I will be giving you lots of gifts and taking lots of pictures and idk loving so much on this preciousness. I can not even begin to explain my joy, i'm gonna be smiling for a really long time. I just wish I could get on a plane and come see you NOW!

kisses and hugs and love and everything else good in the world. I'm gonna start praying for it now. i love you so much

Birthday

Jan 18th was Vickie Wonders Foltz's birthday. She would have been 57. I loved her so much. I miss her. She was an amazing woman. If you knew her at all you knew that.
She is celebrating with Jesus up in Heaven and I'm so glad because thats the best birthday party ever. Prayin for her family and peace and comfort.

Took the above pictures at the beach this weekend. We miss you Vickie. A lot.

So many Things

OK TEAM! haha my friend walker calls me coach cause I say Team so much. I love it :)

Ok so there seriously are so many things on my mind. I've been meeting some awesome people recently.
I feel like Im not spending nearly enough time in the Word, so this is me saying I'm gonna work on that.
I am attempting to try and stop drinking Soda. 2 days so far. woof. Its harder than i thought it would be. I've been drinking sweet tea instead which isn't amazing for me but its better. I've also been attempting healthier foods. Like eating vegies and fruits and like fiber and protein and all that stuff...its new and weird for me.

HAITI. nuf said.

This summer. I'm praying about Rwanda and I think it's gonna happen. I emailed the woman and I think i really need to go but i'm not sure how i feel about it. Its scary and for a long time but woooooooo that would be so awesome. I need to do it and stick to what I said I knew I wanted and not let fear or desire to do other things get in the way. If you're reading this just pray about that for me, I need clarity and a fearless spirit. God gave me the ability to come across as really confident and driven and all that, but sometimes like a lot of times im actually none of those things.

I cannot get motivated in school, i need to though. i need to read and be productive. I need to bring up my GPA like a lot. I need to figure out priorites. Ok i've rambled haha.

Love is Here. Love is NOW!

Jekyll

So I went to Jekyll Island, Georgia this weekend. It was so fun! I debated for like 4 hours weather or not to go and then decided to go without my roommate, which was why it was a question, shes the only one i'm really comfortable with. So we went down there with like 13 girls and guys. It turned out to be awesome. A little awkward at times cause some of the girls there arent quite used to me yet, which is ok. I take some getting used to and they were all a little closer. The guys were great too. Would've been awesome to take that trip with the guys from home whom I love, and who I dont have to worry about getting the wrong idea. Anyways we went bike riding and went in the ocean. I got to enjoy a beautiful new place.
I came back from Jekyll having bought my first country music aside from T swift and the amazing Carrie. I got some Keith Urban and Lady antibellum. This whole thing is new for me and Im not quite sure how i feel about it. Oh well hehe :) Thanks for a great weekend Jesus.
Would love to go there again with some other people;). Turkey!!! Missin my best friend when im sittin in a room of people who dont quite understand me. Made me appreciate sarah too cause shes like my bestie here. I love her to death.
Praying for Haiti. wow i just dont understand. God is at work i know i just haven't figured it out yet.

Beach!

I'm going to the Beach this weekend with some friends and I'm hoping its awesome. Im stupid and insecure sometimes and I'm hoping that wont get in the way. See my roommate Sarah, who is so precious to me, isn't coming. She's like my best friend here, seriously. So she would've been the one i was super comfortable with and she's not coming...but its gonna be fun. If all else fails i'll do as I always do and hang out with the guys hahaha. Ummm but yeah we're going to Jeyll island and i'm excited to hopefully get some sweet pics :) yay. I need to never be insecure and just know that Jesus is completely in love with me but I don't. I let people control me too much. I let the wrong people have a hold on my heart and I can't seem to shake them sometimes, its quite frustrating. I told Anna last night: "baby don't fall in love with anybody thats not your husband because if it doesn't work out that boy will have a hold on your heart you can't describe until you find your actual husband who you love more...just don't do it haha" we're both crazy.

Trying this new type of medicine, its like a ritalin patch, i think its gonna work out well for me. I don't feel like a super zombie.
I missed home this week, really just turkey and my mommy hehe :) But georgia is good. Its better than its been. Me and sarah bust out into song out of nowhere yesterday. Like we were studying and then all of a sudden we were dancing around our room with hair brushes and singing at the top of our lungs...i love her.

praying for hati. praying about rwanda.
Oh yeah, I think i might probably idk ever anything be going to Rwanda this summer for like June. IDK though i'm just prayin about it cause i'm confused and idk. ok thats all. Love you guys!

I'm Not Creative

This is one of the candles anna and I made. They're magic

this is baby josiah, he's adorable and I love him.


I couldn't think of anything good to call this blog...brain oh my gosh i'm loosing my mind. some would argure that i never had one. Anna's my sanity and she's in TN so i blame that.

Ok so i haven't blogged in forever which is pretty typ. I've started back to my classes which i think should be interesting.
I've been reading Voice in the Wind by Francine Rivers and I LOVE IT! but the main character in the book is a Christian living as a slave in the roman empire, they hated Christians btw. But she knows she needs to share her faith and she is constantly beating herself up for not proclaiming the gospel every chance she gets. She feels guilty for not sharing every ounce of faith she has, even though its clear the other characters notice the difference in her. Ok, question time. Hannah, do people see a difference in your spirit because of the Holy Spirit in you? Would you share the Gospel every opportunity you get and do you feel bad when you wus out from proclaiming your faith? Sometimes, i rediculously think to myself about like when I sit next to somebody random in a huge class that doesn't know me I can be whoever I want. I don't have to be that Christian School girl. For that 45 minutes I can be like other girls and just laugh and be whatever. I'M SO DUMB!!!!!! why would I want to be anybody without Jesus? Why would HE not be everything I want to talk about and Feel and enjoy and share with those around me. Its not that I'm ashamed, I just think i let myself think that the rules and expectations of my faith put boundries on my life when in reality it is completelly setting me free. AMAZING thanks Jesus for loving me when i'm unbelievebly retarded.

Oh Hey

I forget that I have a blog sometimes. hehe. I know that anna is like my only reader, so its not that it really matters haha.

I went to see LEAP YEAR last night. yes, I'm a girl but lets be real, that movie is amazing. It's a really sweet love story that takes place in Ireland. I want to fall in love, and I want to go to ireland. I want to go to London and Belfast and the countryside of both ireland and england. I want to run out into the feilds and go exploring in castels and see so much of what God has to offer in this world. I mean I do see it everyday and thats what amazes me, like seriously everywhere. I just think about how beautiful and awesome the world is sometimes. How much I have to experience, and how i can't wait to see all of that.

I found/discovered my twin. Her name Is Alicia. We both love our classical music, we had the same american girl doll, we always say ME TOO! when the other says something. I love her :) I just thought she deserved a mention.

Anyways, I'm back in Athens and I'm loving it so much more than I thought I would. yay!


These is me and my friends dancing in the 'snow' haha :) we didn't get as much as nash, which made me fussy. OH well.
Much LOVE

back to athens

I'm not ready. I am ready. What the heck am I doing with my life. I'm ready to know the answer to that question, sorta. I also love spontenaiety and just doing what feels right, even when its not part of some plan.

I hate that I'm a cryer. I teared up saying goodbye to my mother tonight. woof. really hannah? really?

I was having this conversation last night that I really didn't want to have and this person looked at me and sad "It's different, because we have been there and back again, together". After promptly mocking them I that person was right. THat kind of connection makes things different. It makes distance between people with difference. It makes going back to Georgia and leaving everybody you've been there and back again with here, that much harder. I hate when guys have girlfriends, its upsetting, because it changes the relationship you have with them. Which makes total sense sometimes its just tough. I suppose its the same with all my guys when I have a boyfriend, but its been awhile since that and I don't see it happening any time soon. Ok that was my soap box. I get attatched to people, I get links and when I have a connection, I have such a hard time leaving it behind, even when I know its smarter and safer to let it go.

Going back is going to be fun, like so fun. I can't wait to see Sarah and like snuggle. I can't wait to see all my other friends. I wish I could put athens like 2 hours from Nasvhille, that'd be so freakin awesome. I'm rambling.

SOOOO The storal of this Mory (yes that was intentional cause its almost midnight and I've taken 2 benadryl) is that Im goin back, and its gonna be interesting to be without my friends and Fam from nash. I've loved my house and not having to wear shower shoes...crazy. Ok I'm gonna sleep now
love you all