I haven't blogged in a while. Being home is fun, and busy and Idk I jsut feel like I don't have a ton to say thats well worth anybody reading.
Being home rocks, i love love love having my car and being able to just go and see people I've known forev and just hang with my mommy (yes, you read that correctly). My mom and I played hide-and-seek in Macy's the other day. best.moment.ever. it was histerical.
Turkey turned 18 and she's a babe! her party was so much fun and thus far we've been fully enjoying this whole 18 year old thing (except i'm 19 but shhhh don't tell).
Seeing old friends is awesome, wish I had more time.
I don't want to start classes again, thats gonna be kinda lame. Oh well, can't freakin wait to see Sarah Duffy. I'm like in my room all alone (which is kinda nice) but its also kinda strange cause i'm 100% used to her bein right next to me.
I am not super relevant or interesting. I'm really just grateful right now cause Jesus is so good.
planning my life and my summer.
Seeing Sherlock Holmes made me want to be in England so bad, like next year. I can't wait to just see other parts of the world and live where He wants me to, its exciting to think ab.
much love!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Last one I swear
I never minded calling You a King
If that meant that I could count on You
To give me everything
I never thought to ask You
I always thought You knew
It was never my intention to question You
You never minded calling me a child
Well, I guess that's how I acted all the while
But You live through every tantrum, You see through every lie
Though they seem to be more common
I just wanted You to know why oh why
Unforgetful You, unforgetful
Unforgetful You, so unforgetful
ok another one from a different song sorry team I'm obsessed
I'm gonna show you a love in every language
I'm gonna speak with the words that need no form
I'm gonna give you what you never had before
Strangely out of place
There's a light filling this room
Where none would follow before
I can't deny it burns me up inside
I fan the flames to melt
Away my pride
Do I want shelter from the rain
Or the rain to wash me way?
[chorus]
I need you, I need you, I need you
I need you, I need you, I need you
You're all I'm living for
ok i may stop here but i make no promises. I'm crazy team, I'm trying to be soft haha thats an interesting phrase. oh well. Falling for you yeah I'm tryin keep the dark away
If that meant that I could count on You
To give me everything
I never thought to ask You
I always thought You knew
It was never my intention to question You
You never minded calling me a child
Well, I guess that's how I acted all the while
But You live through every tantrum, You see through every lie
Though they seem to be more common
I just wanted You to know why oh why
Unforgetful You, unforgetful
Unforgetful You, so unforgetful
ok another one from a different song sorry team I'm obsessed
I'm gonna show you a love in every language
I'm gonna speak with the words that need no form
I'm gonna give you what you never had before
Strangely out of place
There's a light filling this room
Where none would follow before
I can't deny it burns me up inside
I fan the flames to melt
Away my pride
Do I want shelter from the rain
Or the rain to wash me way?
[chorus]
I need you, I need you, I need you
I need you, I need you, I need you
You're all I'm living for
ok i may stop here but i make no promises. I'm crazy team, I'm trying to be soft haha thats an interesting phrase. oh well. Falling for you yeah I'm tryin keep the dark away
Fall In love with You
So this song is kinda where I am. Cause I want to so badly fall in love with Jesus again, and not in love with my want to be in some sort of tangible relationship. So i'm pursuing that so much.
Love Song For A Savior lyrics
In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You"
Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You"
It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion
"I want to fall in love with You"
"my heart beats for You"
Love Song For A Savior lyrics
In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You"
Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You"
It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion
"I want to fall in love with You"
"my heart beats for You"
Hardened Heart
I have one. A hard heart that is. I've been so mad and just like gaaa i'm just not feelin it. I'm so glad that the world is happy but i'm just not like feelin it right now. I'm not broken, I'm not on fire. I'm not idk. again this peak. and more than not on fire i've been hard, which i've hated but I couldn't get myself out of it.
I'm not saying I'm totally out of it either, I have however been better. Guess what world?
I rediscovered Jars of Clay. AMAZE! I don't like most Christian music, its not that its not good its just that for the majority of my life it was pumped into me and that just doesnt sit well with me. but alas i've always loved them and i redicovered them yay:) so I'm gonna share a couple lyrics that struck me so hard and I started to feel again, a little less hard and a little brighter, a little more open and a little bit less prideful.
Hymn lyrics
Oh refuge of my hardened heart
Oh fast pursuing lover come
As angels dance 'round Your throne
My life by captured fare You own
Not silhouette of trodden faith
Nor death shall not my steps be guide
I'll pirouette upon mine grave
For in Your path I'll run and hide
[Chorus:]
Oh gaze of love so melt my pride
That I may in Your house but kneel
And in my brokenness to cry
Spring worship unto Thee
When beauty breaks the spell of pain
The bludgeoned heart shall burst in vain
But not when love be pointed king
And truth shall Thee forever reign
[Chorus]
Sweet Jesus carry me away
From cold of night, and dust of day
In ragged hour or salt worn eye
Be my desire, my well sprung lye
[Chorus x 2]
Spring worship unto Thee
Spring worship unto Thee
My brother and sister sang this song at a chapel when I was like 8 and I loved it then, I haven't listened to it in forever. and then I did...woof. read the first verse, seriously that was a 'dear hannah'- 'love Jesus' moment
I'm not saying I'm totally out of it either, I have however been better. Guess what world?
I rediscovered Jars of Clay. AMAZE! I don't like most Christian music, its not that its not good its just that for the majority of my life it was pumped into me and that just doesnt sit well with me. but alas i've always loved them and i redicovered them yay:) so I'm gonna share a couple lyrics that struck me so hard and I started to feel again, a little less hard and a little brighter, a little more open and a little bit less prideful.
Hymn lyrics
Oh refuge of my hardened heart
Oh fast pursuing lover come
As angels dance 'round Your throne
My life by captured fare You own
Not silhouette of trodden faith
Nor death shall not my steps be guide
I'll pirouette upon mine grave
For in Your path I'll run and hide
[Chorus:]
Oh gaze of love so melt my pride
That I may in Your house but kneel
And in my brokenness to cry
Spring worship unto Thee
When beauty breaks the spell of pain
The bludgeoned heart shall burst in vain
But not when love be pointed king
And truth shall Thee forever reign
[Chorus]
Sweet Jesus carry me away
From cold of night, and dust of day
In ragged hour or salt worn eye
Be my desire, my well sprung lye
[Chorus x 2]
Spring worship unto Thee
Spring worship unto Thee
My brother and sister sang this song at a chapel when I was like 8 and I loved it then, I haven't listened to it in forever. and then I did...woof. read the first verse, seriously that was a 'dear hannah'- 'love Jesus' moment
CHRISTMAS CHEER!!!
So i have been to a couple parties in the past few days that had Christmas themes and I had to post a Pic. This past week has been really good here. I've been haning out with a somewhat consistent group, and aside from some stupid game playing by some girls (which i just dont tolerate, i walk away cause I want to leave girl games in hs, why do you think i hung out with mostly guys girls can be soooo dumb), these days have been aamazing. I've just been having a good time, even when i've been studying because the people i were with were fun and like have gotten over the fact that I'm quite different and its been great. I love, love love it :) so here are pictures cause it was sooo much fun :)
I dressed up as a Christmas tree, this is me plugged in at waffle house in 2 in the morning
i had a penguin onesie!
I dressed up as a Christmas tree, this is me plugged in at waffle house in 2 in the morning
i had a penguin onesie!
i want to fall
Gaaa its cold outside and my shoulders are sore cause my back pack weighs more than I do and I'm longing for that guy to call up and just be warm and rub my shoulders. I don't have one of those. I think that it would be so fun to have a boyfriend in college like right now. I have these friens that are dating, luke and corbin (the girl). They are precious. Like for finals he quizzed her on russian vocab, how adorable, like not gross just supportive of each other. Anyways, i'm thinking about how badly i want a boyfriend, how badly I desire that type of relationship in my life right now and I realized something that I'm not exactly proud of. Since my freshmen year of highschool basically, I have not not had that guy. Like pretty much since I can remember there has been this one guy, who was there for sure fresh and soph year, kinda junior too. But early december Jr. year I had colby... for those reading who know me take a moment and giggle about colby bahahaha that happened. ok anyways. then the other guy came back into the pic. and then I was single july to december of my sr year...then another guy...WHAT IS IT WITH ME AND WINTER?! I have a problem. Not to say that those relationships, as messed up and incredibly confusing as they are now, were not God ordained cause I know that He's been teaching me and them through those moments, but there is an unavoidable pattern. Alas, right now there is no guy, and as much as in this moment I hate it, I really dont think there will be for awhile. I don't know that for sure cause I have no idea what God wants for me right now, like seriously I.HAVE.ZERO.IDEA. but...Something tells me I'm gonna do this winter season Single...this should be new and interesting.
I don't know if you knew this about me but I talk a whole whole lot. ok. so here is one entry
and as cynical of this type of stuff ive been recently here it is. I never doubt that its amazing and beautiful and all that, I don't know. I love seeing people who believe and act on it. But i think that being in a school where Christian music and books and just like idk Christian 'talk' was the norm for the people who hurt me bad, made me a bit bitter to the whole thing. Regardless of these things, these lyrics are great. THey apply to me a lot, even when I'm hard to hear them. THey are beautiful and I need to try and put my pride away and listen.
Well you've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers it won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips
And**taste new life
I don't know if you knew this about me but I talk a whole whole lot. ok. so here is one entry
and as cynical of this type of stuff ive been recently here it is. I never doubt that its amazing and beautiful and all that, I don't know. I love seeing people who believe and act on it. But i think that being in a school where Christian music and books and just like idk Christian 'talk' was the norm for the people who hurt me bad, made me a bit bitter to the whole thing. Regardless of these things, these lyrics are great. THey apply to me a lot, even when I'm hard to hear them. THey are beautiful and I need to try and put my pride away and listen.
Well you've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers it won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips
And**taste new life
HEY
so I haven't posted in forever. I haven't had alot to say. Lots of people have been doing the talking and what they've had to say was more encouraging and like idk better then what has been on my mind.
A friend of mine lost his older brother about 2 weeks ago and I can't even imagine what that would be like. So for that family be praying. Their names are not important but pray. "the Lord is close to the broken hearted, He heals those who are crushed in Spirit. " Death does not make sense and there is nothing to make it better. Just try and remember that they are home, their forever home with their forever Jesus, for reals.
There has been kinda alot going on. I dont really know where to start. I'm kinda procrastinating right now so there may be a few posts. Its christmas time and sarah and I have decorated the room. Its beautiful. :) I love this time of year.
I love love love getting gifts for people, like seriously. I can't wait for my sister to open her Christmas present, she's gonna flip out. and so is her husband cause I'm giving him an awesome pic of his wife all framed and pretty ( he doesn't read this so I'm allowed to say). hahah.
Its weird coming back here after bein home but this past couple weeks have been really good in regards to friends here. Sarah and I have been getting along so well and like i've been loving hanging out with friends.
I'm still kinda not like open though. I do this like every winter. I get really hard and annoyed and cynnical to like everything. I am not feeling that amazing like overwhelming feeling where you are just like 100% in love with Jesus. I want to and I'm clinging to what I know. Its not a doubt thing. Its like in Screwtape letters, he talks about peaaks and troughs. I'm in a trough right now and I'm trying to be open to those around me not in that same place. I'm trying to be supportive and not critical. Its tough. haha oh well such is life. I'm learning
A friend of mine lost his older brother about 2 weeks ago and I can't even imagine what that would be like. So for that family be praying. Their names are not important but pray. "the Lord is close to the broken hearted, He heals those who are crushed in Spirit. " Death does not make sense and there is nothing to make it better. Just try and remember that they are home, their forever home with their forever Jesus, for reals.
There has been kinda alot going on. I dont really know where to start. I'm kinda procrastinating right now so there may be a few posts. Its christmas time and sarah and I have decorated the room. Its beautiful. :) I love this time of year.
I love love love getting gifts for people, like seriously. I can't wait for my sister to open her Christmas present, she's gonna flip out. and so is her husband cause I'm giving him an awesome pic of his wife all framed and pretty ( he doesn't read this so I'm allowed to say). hahah.
Its weird coming back here after bein home but this past couple weeks have been really good in regards to friends here. Sarah and I have been getting along so well and like i've been loving hanging out with friends.
I'm still kinda not like open though. I do this like every winter. I get really hard and annoyed and cynnical to like everything. I am not feeling that amazing like overwhelming feeling where you are just like 100% in love with Jesus. I want to and I'm clinging to what I know. Its not a doubt thing. Its like in Screwtape letters, he talks about peaaks and troughs. I'm in a trough right now and I'm trying to be open to those around me not in that same place. I'm trying to be supportive and not critical. Its tough. haha oh well such is life. I'm learning
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