Gaaa its cold outside and my shoulders are sore cause my back pack weighs more than I do and I'm longing for that guy to call up and just be warm and rub my shoulders. I don't have one of those. I think that it would be so fun to have a boyfriend in college like right now. I have these friens that are dating, luke and corbin (the girl). They are precious. Like for finals he quizzed her on russian vocab, how adorable, like not gross just supportive of each other. Anyways, i'm thinking about how badly i want a boyfriend, how badly I desire that type of relationship in my life right now and I realized something that I'm not exactly proud of. Since my freshmen year of highschool basically, I have not not had that guy. Like pretty much since I can remember there has been this one guy, who was there for sure fresh and soph year, kinda junior too. But early december Jr. year I had colby... for those reading who know me take a moment and giggle about colby bahahaha that happened. ok anyways. then the other guy came back into the pic. and then I was single july to december of my sr year...then another guy...WHAT IS IT WITH ME AND WINTER?! I have a problem. Not to say that those relationships, as messed up and incredibly confusing as they are now, were not God ordained cause I know that He's been teaching me and them through those moments, but there is an unavoidable pattern. Alas, right now there is no guy, and as much as in this moment I hate it, I really dont think there will be for awhile. I don't know that for sure cause I have no idea what God wants for me right now, like seriously I.HAVE.ZERO.IDEA. but...Something tells me I'm gonna do this winter season Single...this should be new and interesting.
I don't know if you knew this about me but I talk a whole whole lot. ok. so here is one entry
and as cynical of this type of stuff ive been recently here it is. I never doubt that its amazing and beautiful and all that, I don't know. I love seeing people who believe and act on it. But i think that being in a school where Christian music and books and just like idk Christian 'talk' was the norm for the people who hurt me bad, made me a bit bitter to the whole thing. Regardless of these things, these lyrics are great. THey apply to me a lot, even when I'm hard to hear them. THey are beautiful and I need to try and put my pride away and listen.
Well you've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers it won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips
And**taste new life
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