Scared To Hold On Tight Enough

"Poster Children of Young Love
Scared TO Hold On Tight Enough"
~Steve Moakler (he's great check him out)

"When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability...to be alive is to be vulnerable."
~Madeleine L'Engle

A friend of mine sent me this thing he wrote about the problem of college. It struck me because he articulated so well what I've been trying to say for the past 2 months. Like how this is supposed to be the greatest time of my life and everything. It is also the most unsettling. I don't have a permanent home base, like Nashville is of course, but like here. I'll live in a different building every year and maybe even with different people. I don't have people who have known me for a long time. This thought was also brought about by being in Knoxville with people who I've wanted to see and people who have known me and know my story. I, along with the people around me, am so tired of having to explain myself, or feeling the need to. I feel like I worked so hard in highschool with people, tryig to find where I fit, looking for love from people. I've had my heart broken, I've hurt others, I struggled through all that. What if Im just wasting my heart again? The funny thing is that once you let yourself care about somebody they have the ability to care about you and it's beautiful, but they also have the ability to hurt you and you them. Its so often true, the dichotomy between what can be so amazing can also be so broken and hard. I'm a pretty confident self assured person, God has made me who he wants me to be and I should always be seeking His improvements but I should not apologize for my quirks. However, something about an unreturned txt or a funny look or anything always makes me think a little bit too much. Oh they've spent more time with me and now they think I'm dumb or not worth their time or are they just too busy? Am I unlikable to some people,do I lack interest? am I driving them crazy? Wow hannah really? CHILL OUT!!! haha
and then I remember or am reminded by an amazing Savior "Be Still Beloved, Know that I Know what I am Doing" and I am awestruck.
MY confidence restored, or idk I think my humility restored which is where Christ steps in and determines my steps and for that I am so greatful. We can not look to those around us, those just as broken as us, to put us back together, but instead we should walk together hand in hand to the feet of a God who is constantly trying to build us a solid stucture, constantly trying to draw us back to solidity in Him. Having faith, being certain of God becomes Joy. Being certain means being able to step back and see the big picture. Look at what Christ has always done, why would he pick right now, of all times, to stop. He wouldn't, there is no time when He will stop. Joy is being certain, as a child is within the walls of his parents home, that we are constantly loved, cared for, and watched over.

one picture is of me and my friend I just think the split is interesting because this would be such a moment to embrace or something and yet we are seperate.
The other one is of me and my two best friends, one of whom is terrified to fly so we held hands, super tight, not afraid...