right now i'm cynical take me as that

so today was good. mostly i mean things have been a tad confusing and just like strange but i was feeling good today...the weather was great and I was like hey Jesus thanks. I went out with some fun girls and it was great. I had no criterea to be with them, I didn't ahve to watch my mouth I could talk about Jesus we laughted and itw as great. I was feeling better about my as of late lonely state.
but just kidding.

I'm here world. I'm ready. What else have you got?

God I'm listening. really I am. cause today I've got no other choice. I realize that is what you desire out of me and I know you know what I"m thinking but here I am. again in tears wondering what you are going to teach me...why you want me to feel like this. I'm thinking about idk what i'm thinking about right now my brain is moving too fast and my 8 am is gonna suck seeing that its like 3 am. I"m listening Jesus really I am.
"rejoice in your sufferings for my power is made perfect in weakness" well I'm trying Jesus. I really am, but right now I'm not quite rejoicing right now.

for any of you reading i just want to say that this is a combined effort of the world. There is no one specific thing contributing to this. I'm going to try and sleep now.

sorry for my seemingly absurd self-pity tonight
I really am ok i jus had to vent and this is where it went.